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aita-for-refusing-to-cover-a-shared-cost-after-my-coworker-wouldnaeurt-show-me-the-break-of-what-the-money-had-gone-towards-so-far

· 3 min read

AITA for refusing to cover a shared cost after my coworker wouldn’t show me the break of what the money had gone towards so far?

I (24F) recently started my first full‑time job after graduating. My company has an optional team social fund where each member of our small department contributes a set amount every month to cover birthday treats, team lunches, and small surprises. It sounded harmless, so I joined when my coworker Liam asked.

He manages the fund and everyone just sends him their contribution directly. Not that I suspected anything but last month, I asked if he could give me a breakdown of what the money had gone towards so far, because I’m trying to be better about tracking my spending. My mom drilled into me that I should always know where my money is going.

He said, “Yeah, I’ll get it to you later.” He didn’t.

A few days later, he didn’t send anything but reminded me that my monthly contribution was due. I asked politely for the breakdown again. No reply. I waited a few days and sent a follow‑up, nothing. He responds to other messages in the work group chat, but mine about the fund get ignored.

Last week he came to my desk and said, “Hey, you still haven’t sent your part for the fund this month.” I told him I’d be happy to once I got the breakdown I’d asked for, nothing complicated, just a list of what’s been purchased with everyone’s contributions.

His whole demeanor shifted. He sighed loudly and said, “Nobody else needs this level of detail. It’s supposed to be casual. You’re making it weird.”

I told him it wasn’t personal, it’s just my budget and my comfort. He walked away mid‑sentence.

Now a couple coworkers have hinted that I’m overthinking everything and making extra work for Liam. One even said I was being stingy for not just paying like everyone else. I’m starting to feel guilty, but it also seems like a basic thing to ask when I’m handing over money every month.

AITA for refusing to contribute again until he shows me what the fund is actually being spent on?

Comments

  • Optional social fund. Sorry just started, not in my budget right now. Optional. End of discussion. NTA, but don't ask, just say no.
  • Thanks, I’ll do just that.
  • INFO: What’s the amount that they’re asking you to contribute? If it’s like $5 I’d say you might be doing too much but if it’s like $50 a month then your stance is fair. Also, how many people in the office contribute?
  • The question OP seems to be avoiding about as much as Liam is dodging hers. She also only interacted with answers that are agreeing with her. Something tells me we have an unreliable narrator here.
  • Something is telling me they’re asking for like $5 a month from each person which is why you’re not answering how much… if that’s the case, YTA. Liam’s organizing, coordinating and executing, just say no to begin with.

TL;DR: I’m basically the office’s “budget‑conscious ghost.” My coworker refuses to show me where the money goes, I refuse to give it, and everyone else thinks I’m a stingy weird‑mood‑person. AITA? Probably not, but maybe you should just say “no” and let the treats come to you.