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How to Tell My Coworker I’m Not Interested in Hanging Out

· 4 min read

Picture yourself stepping into a brand‑new office, armed with a smile, a clipboard, and a fierce determination to keep your personal life as private as your secret stash of chocolate. Two months in, you’re starting to realize that one of your coworkers has a different idea of professionalism—and a different age for your own.

The Office Joke That Turns Into a Privacy Nightmare​

I started a new office job about 2 months ago. I started with a few other people, and one of them is very nice but from my pov we don’t mesh very well. We’re about 15 years apart, have nothing in common, have different senses of humor, and I am of course very polite to them however they have begun to get slightly on my nerves with their off‑putting jokes and prying questions.

They have asked me to hang out (platonically) multiple times now. Asked me to come to their house, work from home with them, asked what my plans are for the weekend and when I tell them they say “oh I wish I could join in that!”. They also made a joke about something I told them in confidence when we first began the job right in front of all of my new co‑workers and my boss (nothing bad, but still upset me).

I frankly don’t see myself being friends with this person, and also do not trust them to keep anything I would tell them to themselves. How do I politely tell them I would not wish to hang out with them? I value privacy and rarely hang out with co‑workers so the idea of this person knowing everything about me when I barely know or trust them really upsets me. I do not want to hurt their feelings though! They clearly seem to be seeking friendship.

The Classic “I’m Busy” Response (and Why It Works)​

  1. The “I’ve Got Other Plans” Excuse
    Tell them you already have a date with your couch, a meeting with your cat, or that you’re literally running late for an important “meeting with the fridge.”
  2. The “Let’s Keep It Professional” Angle
    “I appreciate the offer, but I keep my work and personal life completely separate.”
  3. The “Just Keep Saying No” Routine
    Consistency is key: keep saying no, and eventually they’ll stop asking.
  4. The “Document Everything” (Because HR Might Be Watching)
    Keep a mental note of every time they overstep. It’s not about being paranoid—it’s about setting a clear boundary.
  5. The “I’m Not a Social Butterfly” Defense
    “Thanks, but I’m not the social butterfly type. I’ll stick to office chats and leave the after‑hours to my own people.”

Bottom Line: Boundaries Are Your Superpower​

You’re not a free agent; you’re a professional with a privacy policy. Saying “no” is not rude; it’s setting the stage for a respectful, drama‑free work environment.

The Comments (Because Reddit Is Never Quiet)​

Tell them: I would not wish to hang out with you and I value my privacy

Tell them you keep work and private life separate. It’s really that easy.

Just keep telling them you can't. You have other plans or need to run some errands. Eventually, they will stop asking.

Make sure you document literally everything, date time location and exactly what was said by both, sounds like they're not mentally all there so just cover your ass, be polite but clear that you only interact with coworkers at work, no defending or explaining why, it's just a normal boundary that many people have, if they decide to create drama that's on them, but if you document diligently it will show that you were already feeling harassed before and stressed in the first place and were trying to handle it professionally.

I've never had a coworker invite me over or invite me to work from home with them. Don't feel bad about politely declining every time. I like to laugh it off, say something like no I'm good or thanks anyway or that doesn't work for me. Be evasive and they will give up. I wouldn't set a rule that you don't make friends at work - because you might with someone else. Keep your personal life vague. If they make an off‑putting joke you can always say that you didn't appreciate that.

TL;DR​

Just say “no,” keep it short, and if they keep asking, remind them you’re all about work. If the drama continues, HR is your new best friend.