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AITA for telling my mom she can't take my daughter to her house anymore?

· 5 min read

Picture this: it’s Sunday. The calendar’s marked Family Time, the grocery list is half‑finished, and you’re standing on the threshold of a house that’s a little too quiet. Your mom, the superhero who works six days a week, decides it’s the perfect time to drop your two‑year‑old off at her place for a couple of hours. The plan? Clean, run errands, and maybe finally get that laundry done without the baby’s constant “uh‑uh” soundtrack.

The idea was brilliant. Mom says she’ll pick her up at 10 am and bring her back at 3 pm – or whenever you need her back. Easy. You’re relieved, your wife is a little more relaxed, and the house is finally quiet for a bit. But then the timing problem began. Every single time, she shows up with the toddler late. Late by an hour, sometimes an hour and a half. Your wife is not thrilled. Every plan gets delayed. The holiday plans with your father‑in‑law go from “let’s spend a few hours together before he leaves for Christmas” to “we’re staying home, baby, because Mom is running on her own schedule.”

This past Sunday, the stakes were high. Mom was supposed to drop the little one back at 3 pm, then take her to your father‑in‑law’s place. Instead, she didn’t return until about 4:30 pm, blaming the baby for being late. Plans? Cancelled. The father‑in‑law’s Christmas visit? Postponed. You calmly told Mom that she can’t bring the baby home because she’s always late, but she can still visit at your house. She responded with a classic “omg, you and your wife can screw off” and drove away. You stayed quiet, told her you love her, and hoped it would stop the chaos.

So, are you the asshole for setting those boundaries? Or is it a mom‑in‑law‑vs‑mom‑in‑law drama that needs a third party? Let’s break it down.

The “Mom” Problem​

  • Sundays are the only time everyone can actually meet because your mom works six days a week.
  • The “pick‑up” schedule is a promise, not a suggestion.
  • The toddler’s late arrivals are a pattern, not a one‑off mistake.
  • Your wife’s frustration is legitimate: she’s trying to plan a day, and the toddler’s schedule is a moving target.

You’re not being unreasonable; you’re just trying to keep the family calendar from turning into a nightmare.

The “You” Problem​

  • You’re the one who set the boundary: “You can’t take her home because you’re always late.”
  • You didn’t give an alternative for the toddler’s stay (e.g., “you can keep her at my house, but not bring her to yours”).
  • You didn’t give a concrete reason why the plan broke.

In other words, you might have been a little harsh, but you’re not absolutely the asshole. The real issue is the pattern of lateness, not the occasional slip‑up.

TL;DR​

  • Mom’s a lifesaver—until she’s late.
  • You set a boundary that’s understandable, but a bit blunt.
  • The real problem? Mom’s habit of arriving late (or the family’s lack of backup plans).

So, if you’re looking for a verdict, it’s a 3/10 for asshole and 7/10 for “this mom needs a better time‑management plan.” Keep the baby at home, and maybe set up a calendar that sends you a reminder to ask Mom to stick to the 3 pm deadline. If she still shows up late, consider a backup babysitter or a “stay at the house” rule for the weekend. And remember: a good joke about mom’s “late” habit can lighten the mood—just make sure it’s a joke that doesn’t feel like a slap.

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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
Judged for not putting boundaries sooner
Asshole for telling my mom she can't take my daughter home
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So I 25M have a 2 year old daughter, and ever since she was born my mom has been coming to my place every Sunday to visit her. She still works 6 days a week and Sundays just work best for everyone. When my daughter turned 1 and 1/2 my mom started taking her back to her house for a couple of hours so we can clean and run arrends. It was ultimately her idea but blessed cause its a big help. My mom always picks her up at 10 am and she says she will bring her back at 3 pm. Or if there is a time we want her back. Ever since my mom started taking my mom has always been late to bring my daughter back. It's always an hour or and hour and 1/2 late. My wife isnt a big fan of her showing up late cause if we have plans then it messes them up. This past Sunday my mom was suppose to return my daughter at 3pm and from there go to my father in laws so he can spend time with my daughter before he leaves for Christmas. She didn't bring my daughter back till almost 4:30pm and blamed my daughter for being late, And of course set our plans back. I told my mom nice and calm that she can't take my daughter to her place cause she is always late, but you can stay and visit her at my house. She said "omg, you and your wife can screw off". It shocked me I stayed quite told her I love her and she drove away. AITA?