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Can't stand my coworker since RTO

· 3 min read

Ever been forced to sit beside a person who’s convinced their own voice is a motivational speaker?
Meet the guy who thinks his “self‑talk” is a TED Talk and his phone is the secret sauce to productivity.
He’s a master of dramatic land‑falls, a pro at turning every meeting into a one‑man complaint‑fest, and somehow manages to do less work than a squirrel on espresso.

Our narrator’s been on a small team since just before the pandemic, and after months of working from home, the office has turned into a live‑action reality show called “Who Can Pretend to Work the Longest?” The new desk shuffle—yes, the office is a real office—put our hero right next to the narrator, and the chaos began.

The Sins of the Desk‑Side Drama​

  • Self‑Talk Symposium: The guy talks to himself like he’s on a live broadcast. “Why do I even have to do this? Oh wait, I do.”
  • Phone‑Tethered: He’s glued to his phone 90% of the time. The only thing he’s actually doing is scrolling through memes that probably should be in his inbox.
  • Meeting Mogul: He attends every meeting, but his contributions are as meaningful as a screen door on a submarine.
  • Work‑Less‑Than‑Average: He accomplishes the equivalent of a coffee break in an entire day, yet he still complains about the weather in every team chat.
  • The Manager’s Dilemma: The manager knows, but “you can’t do anything about it” is the office mantra.

Despite all this, the narrator feels guilty. “He’s nice when we actually have a normal conversation.” Which is… a weird mix of empathy and a half‑hearted desire to see a different side of the guy.

The Commenter’s Survival Hack​

“I had a guy like this I would just ask 20‑30 times a day who he was talking to, who are you complaining to? Me? I don’t want to hear it, I’m not interested. Just keep asking over and over and they’ll eventually get embarrassed and stop”

TL;DR: 20 questions a day is the best anti‑complaint strategy.

What’s the Bottom Line?​

  • If you’re the “self‑talk” type, maybe try talking to a plant instead.
  • If you’re a manager, remember that HR is not your personal therapist.
  • If you’re a coworker, consider the 20‑question strategy. Or, better yet, invest in noise‑cancelling headphones and a tiny desk cactus.

Moral of the story: Office dynamics can be a circus, but a little humor, a lot of headphones, and a relentless barrage of “who are you complaining to?” can keep the show running.

Comments​

  • Commenter 1:
    “I had a guy like this I would just ask 20‑30 times a day who he was talking to, who are you complaining to? Me? I don’t want to hear it, I’m not interested. Just keep asking over and over and they’ll eventually get embarrassed and stop”

  • Commenter 2:
    “I think I’d just bring a rubber duck and start talking to it myself. It’s less judgmental.”

  • Commenter 3:
    “Maybe replace the phone with a hamster wheel. At least it moves.”

  • Commenter 4:
    “If the manager is aware, maybe they’re secretly trying to make the office a reality show. #OfficeLife”

  • Commenter 5:
    “I tried the 20‑question method once. He finally stopped. He started answering me, ‘Who is that?’ and then I said, ‘Me, the guy who’s going to replace you.’”

TL;DR: 20 questions a day = the ultimate anti‑complaint hack.
Feel free to copy, paste, and keep asking until the office drama turns into a sitcom.