Day-One Disaster The Great Office Coffee Bean Heist

New hire walks in bright-eyed. Leaves wide-eyed. In between? A felony against caffeine.

TL;DR

Brand new employee learns the coffee is “free for everyone.” Interprets this as: “I personally own all coffee now.”
Puts BOTH giant Starbucks bean bags into her purse. Returns next day. Gets fired before the first sip. Office morale: shaken but united.

The Scene

It’s onboarding day. New Hire seems a little wired (ironically, pre-coffee). She spots two glorious, unopened bags of Starbucks beans in the break room.

“Whose are these?”
“They’re for everyone. Company buys coffee.”
“Cool.”

Narrator: It was not, in fact, cool.

At end of day: beans—gone. Confusion ensues. A caffeine crisis sweeps the floor. Someone saw her purse them. Day Two: summoned, terminated. The beans? Presumably liberated. The vibe? Brewed dark.

Commenter Reactions (A Dramatic Reenactment)

1. Mutiny Protocol Activated

“If there is one quick way to inspire mutiny it’s to do a coffee heist.”

Coffee isn’t just a beverage; it's the fragile social contract holding workplaces together. Touch it, and you trigger the Geneva Convention of Office Culture.

2. Anthropological Wonder

“Makes you wonder how people like this function…”

Truly the Discovery Channel missed out on filming this rare behavioral pattern: “Corporate Opportunist (Day 1 Subspecies).”

3. The Literalist Defense Theory

“Maybe she took it… very literally?”