Coworker Who Does Nothing: A Workplace Comedy

Ever meet that one colleague who seems to have mastered the art of “I’m here but not actually here”? Meet the woman who turns the office into a living‑room lounge, a “no‑obligation” lounge. She’s got a six‑month pregnancy badge, a 45‑minute lunch break (we’re all on 30‑minute lunch duty), and a talent for vanishing from her desk for an hour on a single day—without leaving a note. She’s also a regular in the “Hate‑Speech Hall of Fame,” boasting the occasional “N‑word” and a whole playlist of trans‑hatred jokes. HR has called her in six times this year, yet she still keeps the job, perhaps because she’s pregnant and they’re playing “let’s see if the baby arrives first.”

The Office Olympics (Or “Lack of Work”)

• Lunch Breaks – 45 minutes of bliss while the rest of us finish 30 minutes of “work” to keep the machines running.
• Bathroom Breaks – 30 minutes that could be spent on the phone or in a conference room.
• Hourly Disappearances – She disappears for an hour, and when you try to call her, she’s as elusive as a unicorn.
• Customer Interaction – She sits off to the side, staring at her phone while customers stare back in confusion.
• Physical Work – While the rest of us lift heavy stuff, she takes a “break” that could have been a coffee break.
• Office Etiquette – “Retarded” and “N‑word” are her go‑to phrases in the presence of customers. She’s also the queen of making fun of trans people, immigrants, and basically anyone who doesn’t fit into her narrow worldview.

The “helpful” coworker (the OP) has taken on the extra physical load, stepping into the role of both a lifter and a customer service rep, all because the original worker chooses to “just sit there.” The whole situation leaves the rest of the team wondering if the woman is a secret office spy, a super‑human, or simply the reason why the boss keeps her on the payroll.

Why No One Fires Her?

• Pregnancy – The law protects pregnant employees, and HR seems to be waiting for the baby to arrive before taking action.
• Management Frustration – They’re annoyed but not ready to fire a pregnant worker.
• Potential Connections – Rumors that the “father” of the baby might be a higher‑up.
• Unclear Productivity – Because the “helpful” coworker covers for her, the workplace seems to function, so the boss may think she’s not a problem.

And just when you think the office environment is a mess, the favorite coworker who always helped others is fired the very same week. Talk about a “just‑because” moment.

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The father of the baby is probably someone in the higher up.

They’re definitely not doing anything about it bc she’s pregnant and worried about a lawsuit. Hopefully they’re just waiting it out and she may not come back when the baby is born.

I’m going to be blunt, you’re making her behavior easier for her to get away with by covering for her and helping her. Stop. It’s not your responsibility to sort her out or to help her. Let management deal with it. Report her behaviors to your supervisor and stop covering for her.

I have told my wife for years to never cover for shit workers, there is a difference between helping someone and doing their work.

After doing too much for years she is just starting to finally realize I am right.

“this woman has gone away with not doing shit at work everyday for nearly a year now.”

Me: huh, I wonder if OP is doing the coworkers work for them.

“I have taken on a lot of the physical work for her”

“…heavy lifting. I agree to do this for her”

“Me and another co-worker run around trying to make everything run smoothly”

Being a little blunt here, but I don't understand why she would? She's got a sweet job. She can do almost nothing and her coworkers just do it instead? Why would she waste her time doing something that you're just going to cover for her so that she doesn't get in trouble? The bosses leave her alone because you're doing her work? It's not like she's effecting productivity in a way that would get her in trouble, you're making sure of that.

TL;DR: One pregnant coworker spends her time on extended lunch breaks, disappears for hours, and slams in hateful jokes while the rest of the office does the heavy lifting. HR is in a pickle, the boss is perplexed, and the “helpful” employee is the only one left holding the office together. The workplace is now a comedy of errors, and HR’s next step is… nothing.