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What’s something a coworker did once that lives rent-free in your head?

· 4 min read

Picture this: a paint‑store clerk named Gus, a tank‑refueling crew who can’t resist a cigarette, a seasonal cashier who ends up being the villain in a supermarket thriller, a payroll VP who moonlights as a secret‑agent in HR, and a bomb‑threat‑day office drama. All wrapped up in one thread because, apparently, Reddit loves a good montage of workplace absurdity.

The Paint Store Catastrophe​

A paint store had barrels of “waste” stored in the back: water, oil, and a bit of lacquer. Someone asks Gus if the barrels are full. Gus, being the proactive employee he is, goes to the lacquer barrel, removes the plug, but can’t see the fluid level. He pulls out a Bic and a lighter, shines the flame right at the hole to get a better view.

The lacquer barrel doesn’t explode, but you can almost hear the collective sigh of “we’re never going to see this again.” The moral? Never test your lighting skills on a volatile paint barrel, unless you’re looking for a new hobby.

The “Speedy” Tank Refueler​

I used to be an army tanker on Abrams tanks, and I’ve seen some things. In the refueling bay, Speedy (yes, that’s his nickname) is holding a JP‑8 fuel nozzle in one hand and a cigarette in his mouth. He tries to light it with a lighter in his other hand, battling a breeze that turns his attempt into a dramatic “fire‑fighting” performance.

I yell, “Hey, stop that!” and the loader, wearing a Kevlar helmet, smacks Speedy with a fire extinguisher. Speedy is furious, but then realizes I was trying to prevent a potential fire over an open fuel cover. Moral: If you’re going to light a cigarette while refueling a tank, at least bring a fire extinguisher and a better hand‑shake.

The Holiday Cashier​

The department store hired seasonal help for the holidays. One young single mother, sweet with sad eyes, was working at the register. Two weeks in, a manager and two cops walk her out after she gets caught skimming the till. The look on her face is forever etched in my mind.

It’s the kind of thing that makes you think about how many “mommy” stories end in a quick exit interview.

The HR‑Whisperer​

A VP at a well‑known payroll company had a string of romantic misadventures. She was caught sleeping with a married man who was a DVP, then moved to a VP role that no one wanted in Atlanta to get her out of the mess. While there, she slept with a married woman, whose husband also worked there. She quit before any HR investigation could get anywhere and now works as an HR consultant.

You could call her a “truly rotten person,” but she’s also a master of the art of disappearing mid‑investigation.

The Bomb Threat Office​

I asked for a day off because my boyfriend came home early from the oilfield, and I was denied. That same day, we received a bomb threat an hour later. We had to send everyone home. I couldn’t prove it, but I also didn’t have to go to math school for the 2+2 problem. The office was a whirlwind of panic and bureaucracy, and I was just trying to get out of the office early.

Comments​

  • Paint store: Gus’s Bic‑light strategy might just be the most creative way to do a “how‑to” guide on paint safety.
  • Army tanker: Speedy’s cigarette habit should be listed as a hazard in the safety manual.
  • Seasonal cashier: The whole “skimming” episode reminds you that “holiday cheer” can sometimes turn into “holiday fear.”
  • HR‑Whisperer: HR consultant who’s had a romantic history with HR? Talk about role‑conflict.
  • Bomb threat office: I’m pretty sure the office’s “2+2” math problem is actually a code for “two plus two people in a security breach.”

TL;DR: From paint‑barrel lighting to tank‑fueling fire‑fights, a cashier’s skimming saga, a VP’s romantic rollercoaster, and an office bomb threat, all the coworker shenanigans that haunt you are here—so you can laugh (and maybe Google “how to not light a Bic on a lacquer barrel” before your next shift).