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WIBTAH to tell MIL she can change plans but spend less time with us

· 5 min read

Christmas was supposed to be a family affair.
The kids were already dreaming of reindeer rides, and the parents had been planning a morning full of carols, eggnog, and the occasional “who can bring the most presents?” challenge.
Then, like a rogue snowflake that refuses to melt, the mother‑in‑law (MIL) decided that the only legitimate time for Christmas morning was her own, and that the rest of us could politely shift our schedule to a later afternoon.

It all started when my husband’s mother was ready to swap the traditional 9‑10 AM family gathering for a 12 PM “special” slot.
We’d already renegotiated a whole family’s plans in the past to make room for her, and now she’s back at the table, demanding a change without any conversation.

My husband told her he’d “think about it,” but I’m left feeling like the last cookie in the jar: a little crumbs of frustration, and the nagging sense that the consequence she’s chosen is to cut us all short.

So, what do I do? Do I politely explain that Christmas morning is our event, and if she wants to change the time, we’ll have less time with her? Or should I just let her keep her 12‑PM “special” slot and leave the rest to her?

The Holiday Dilemma​

  • MIL’s Plan: 12 PM Christmas morning – solo or with a short cameo from us.
  • Our Plan: 9‑10 AM with both families, a bit of chaos, lots of love, and a chance to show off the kids’ new “snow‑man” sculptures.
  • The Compromise: We might have to leave for the parents at 3 PM, but can we still get a quick hug from MIL before she disappears into her own “Christmas” world?

What the Redditors Are Saying​

“I’d be taking this opportunity to switch then! Give your parents back the Christmas morning and since MILs starts at 12, let her know you might be a little late, say 2:30, 3 PM”

“NTA. Your MIL is trying to monopolize your time by first wanting Christmas morning, then changing it to noon. I wouldn't say anything else to her, show up at noon, then at 2 pm let her know 'sorry, we gotta go now' and just leave. She needs to learn your time does not belong to her, that you'll make some concessions but you won't blow up everyone else's plans to suit her.”

“YWNBTA, though if I were you, I would only bring it up to confirm your arrival time, in an unemotional way. If she settles on 9‑10, great. If she insists on 12, I wouldn’t push back on that at all. Just let her know that you will still have to leave at [whatever time] to get to your parents’ by 3. Don’t argue or get upset. Just state it as a fact and don’t get emotional.”

“NTA. She can change whatever she wants. That doesn’t mean that you have to change your plans. Carry on…”

“NTA. She is doing this purely to cut into your families time and/or make you choose. Tell her 12 is fine, but you will be leaving at for example 1:30 pm, no negotiations. At 1:15 pm make sure you have everything packed up and in the car and leave at 1:30 pm the dot.”

(You’ll notice that “NTA” (Not‑The‑Asshole) and “YWNBTA” (You’re The Best, No Tolerance to Abuse) appear more often than a Christmas cookie. That’s how Reddit works.)

TL;DR​

MIL wants to hijack Christmas morning for herself at noon.
Solution: Tell her “12 PM works, but we’re leaving at 1:30 PM to hit our parents’ by 3 PM.”
If she insists on 12 PM, just show up, enjoy the brief cameo, and then politely say, “We gotta go, love you!” No drama, no guilt, just a perfectly timed exit.

Happy holidays and may your carols be louder than any MIL demands!

Comments​

  • “I’d be taking this opportunity to switch then! Give your parents back the Christmas morning and since MILs starts at 12, let her know you might be a little late, say 2:30, 3 PM.”

  • “NTA. Your MIL is trying to monopolize your time by first wanting Christmas morning, then changing it to noon. I wouldn't say anything else to her, show up at noon, then at 2 pm let her know 'sorry, we gotta go now' and just leave. She needs to learn your time does not belong to her, that you'll make some concessions but you won't blow up everyone else's plans to suit her.”

  • “YWNBTA, though if I were you, I would only bring it up to confirm your arrival time, in an unemotional way. If she settles on 9‑10, great. If she insists on 12, I wouldn’t push back on that at all. Just let her know that you will still have to leave at [whatever time] to get to your parents’ by 3. Don’t argue or get upset. Just state it as a fact and don’t get emotional.”

  • “NTA. She can change whatever she wants. That doesn’t mean that you have to change your plans. Carry on…”

  • “NTA. She is doing this purely to cut into your families time and/or make you choose. Tell her 12 is fine, but you will be leaving at for example 1:30 pm, no negotiations. At 1:15 pm make sure you have everything packed up and in the car and leave at 1:30 pm the dot.”