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AITA for not giving my sister the “family” nativity?

· 4 min read

Picture this: a Christmas nativity that has more personal attachment than your favorite secret‑Santa stash. Our hero (let’s call him the “Uncle Who Took the Gift”) found himself in a holiday tug‑of‑war over a set of Grandma’s ceramic figures that had been in his house for 20 years, and he’s wondering if he’s the villain of the season.

The Setup​

  • Grandma’s Masterpieces – Grandma was a ceramics wizard. She made a “family” nativity set and also crafted a personalized, engraved manger piece for each grandchild. The piece in question had a nickname and a date that pre‑dated the OP’s sister, making it truly a personal gift.
  • The Gift to the OP – When the OP married, they scooped up the set from Grandma’s house and carried it into their new home. It was a Christmas gift wrapped in love, with each piece meant to be opened on a specific year’s holiday.
  • The Family Visit – A few years ago, the OP’s sister and her husband dropped by to visit their kids. The sister, with the seriousness of a lawyer, said: “We need to share the nativity. It’s a family thing, not just yours.” The BIL nodded, as if he’d just won a small‑scale United Nations treaty.
  • The Great Reveal – The OP defended the set like a medieval knight: “It was my Christmas gift. Grandma wrapped each piece for me to open before you were born.” They pulled off the manger’s bottom to show the engraved name and date. The sister’s face went from “I love this!” to “I didn’t know this was a secret stash.”

The Drama​

  • Emotional Rollercoaster – The sister looks sad, the BIL is angry, and the OP feels guilty like a cat that accidentally knocked over the Christmas tree. The OP wonders: “Am I the villain in this story?” The answer is… maybe not.
  • BIL’s Entitlement Theory – The BIL, bless his heart, thinks the nativity belongs to the family and wants it on a rotating schedule. He’s basically the human embodiment of “We’re all in this together, but I want my slice of the pie.”
  • Grandma’s Love for All – The OP reveals that Grandma actually made a Halloween-themed jack‑o‑lantern for the sister because she loves the spooky season. So Grandma didn’t just hand everything to the OP; she had a personal gift for every grandchild.

TL;DR​

The OP was the rightful owner of a personal Christmas gift. The sister was disappointed because she didn’t know it was a secret stash. The BIL’s entitlement is a red flag, but the OP’s guilt is just holiday season panic.

Community Reactions​

  • NTA. She didn’t know, so I can understand her disappointment at discovering what she thought was a ‘family’ item was actually a personal gift to you. But once told… it says something that the BIL still felt entitled to it though… as the assumption they had meant more than the actual facts of the matter.

  • It’s not said, but I wonder if sis and BIL have small kids that he doesn’t want ruining the vintage set he has and figures that the set OP has is OK to risk getting ruined?

  • NTA - does your brother in law want to come over and do your husband on Christmas morning every other year also? Jesus, H Christ!

  • Ok, I admit. I laughed at this more than I should have.

  • Absolutely NTA. Your sister and BIL obviously worked themselves up about it thinking you’d basically taken it from Grandma without any discussion. And it clearly holds some sentimental value for your sister. You set them straight. She’ll be sad and get over it. Your BIL being angry though is weird and a red flag, but also not the subject of your post!