AITA for refusing to financially support my parents and explaining why when my brother asked?

I (38F) have been living in a different state from my family for over 10 years. I’ve supported myself the entire time and rarely asked anyone for help. I didn’t grow up with my parents, my grandmother supported and raised me, and I never had a close relationship with them.

Last year, I went on vacation with my siblings. During the trip, I found out that my youngest brother (29M), who makes the most money out of all of them, has been paying the mortgage and most of our parents’ living expenses. He asked me why I wasn’t helping financially.

Since he asked directly, I answered honestly. I told him that our parents didn’t support me growing up, and that I still remember when my grandmother asked me to write them a letter requesting financial support for my education. My mom wrote back to my grandmother saying she should teach me not to ask them for money because what my dad earned was “just enough” for them and my three siblings. My grandmother let me read that letter, which I don’t think my mom knows.

I told my brother that I contributed financially when we immigrated and that I paid rent when I lived with them for two years. I also used whatever money I earned to help support my grandmother, who actually raised me, until she passed away. After I moved to a different state, I’ve been completely on my own with zero financial help. Because of that history, I didn’t feel responsible for supporting our parents now.

Apparently, my brother told my mom. She confronted me via text and accused me of being “disrespectful” as a child. I explained my side and the experiences that shaped my feelings. She mentioned times she believes I was disrespectful, including verbal and physical conflicts. I explained that these incidents didn’t happen in isolation and were often triggered by her actions, such as trying to persuade my grandmother to send me somewhere to dance for money or deliberately ruining my school uniform by putting soy sauce on it. I told her she had not treated me like a mother should when I was growing up. The conversation didn’t go well, and afterward my mom stopped talking to me. Eventually, the rest of my family did too.

Now I’m basically no contact with all of them. I feel like I told the truth and set a reasonable boundary, but somehow I’m the one who ended up alone.

AITA for refusing to help financially and explaining my reasons when asked?

NTA you shouldn’t have to pay expenses for people who didn’t raise you.

The only thing you’re paying for is your own sanity, so if that’s the price of freedom, go ahead and buy the whole lot.

You weren’t raised by your parents, and your mom even tried to get you sent away to dance for money (which I can only imagine would have been in an exploitative / sexualized context unless you were a trained dancer, and even then this wasn’t what you wanted so regardless would have been wrong). I don’t see how you owe them anything more than what you’ve given them. Obviously we only have what is given but if they all cut you off for this, you are probably better without them. It sucks but families sometimes suck. I am sorry and I hope you are well. NTA.

Why do you even WANT to talk to these people? NTA

No. Your parents farmed you out to your grandparents. Maybe they were only willing to raise boy children. Whatever. Your grandparents raised you. They were your real parents.

You were Always alone…

TL;DR: She didn’t get a pizza delivery, she got a whole family in a black hole.