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AITA for Wanting to Keep My Engagement Ring from My Late Fianc‑é?

· 4 min read

The Real Story​

I’m a 36‑year‑old woman who’s been carrying around a “memento‑mood‑ring” since a car crash nearly eleven years ago. My fiancé died instantly, I survived, and I’ve been on a never‑ending roller‑coaster of therapy, support groups, and the occasional existential crisis. The support group was the place where I met my current partner, a 45‑year‑old widower who’s been through his own cancer‑related heartbreak. We hit it off, started dating three years ago, and last month we finally moved in together.

Fast forward to this week: the mother of my late fiancé, a 61‑year‑old woman who still feels the ache of loss, asked me for the engagement ring back. Why? She wants it in the family. She claims it’s the last big purchase my fiancé made before he died. I’m not a lawyer, but I can’t find it in my own family’s heirloom chest.

The ring is not a traditional diamond engagement ring. It’s a garnet‑and‑emerald masterpiece that my fiancé and I picked out together, because we love birthstones. I still wear it on my right hand, right next to my partner’s wedding ring. We’re a bit of a “we honor past loves” kind of couple, and we even have a photo of my fiancé and his late wife on our living room wall. It’s all very “honor the past, enjoy the present” and zero jealousy.

So why is the mother asking? She’s upset that I’m “involved with another man” and wants the ring back for her family. I called her out, hung up, and have been ignoring her calls since. My partner is fuming that the mother is being “ridiculous.” My parents are split: my mom thinks I should give it back, my dad thinks I can do whatever I want. Am I an asshole for refusing to part with a ring that’s basically my “memory bank”?

The Cheezburger‑Style Comment Roast​

Comment 1 (NTA)​

"It doesn’t need to go ‘back to the family’ when it was never in the family."

TL;DR: “Ring is your personal Spotify playlist. Don’t let anyone shuffle it.”

If you’re still wearing the ring, it’s still in your collection. If your mother wants it back, maybe she’s just looking for a new ringtone.

Comment 2 (Shocking Forecast)​

"Odds are the mother will sell it or give it to another kid to cheap to buy their own engagement ring."

TL;DR: “She might end up auctioning it to a kid who can’t even afford a pizza. Oops.”

She’d probably end up with a ring that looks like a rock, and the kid would use it as a paperweight.

Comment 3 (Punishment Drama)​

“The timing seems like it’s a ‘If you’re moving on you don’t deserve anything of my son’ kind of reaction.”

TL;DR: “She’s basically doing the ‘no‑ring‑no‑love’ version of ‘Keep it or lose it.’”

It’s the only known universe where a ring can be a prison sentence.

Comment 4 (Shooting Stars)​

“NTA. I cannot articulate enough how insane that is of her to request.”

TL;DR: “She’s got a ring‑obsessed streak. Maybe she should buy a ring for her cat.”

The ring is the only thing that survived the crash, and it’s still alive.

Comment 5 (Absolute NTA)​

“NTA, at all, whatsoever. Keep the ring and remember the good times and the love it was chosen with.”

TL;DR: “Keep it, cherish it, maybe gift it to a future grand‑grand‑kid who can’t afford a pizza either.”

Remember: the ring is a symbol, not a real estate asset.

Bottom Line​

  • The ring was you and your late fiancé’s personal choice, not a family heirloom.
  • The mother’s request appears to be more about her grief than the ring itself.
  • Your partner supports you, your parents are split, and the ring is still on your right hand.

You are NOT an asshole. You’re the ring’s rightful owner, the living memory of your love, and a person who deserves to keep a piece of the past that still brings a smile. Just maybe consider a ring donation to a charity that could use the funds for something else—like a pizza for the kid who can’t afford one.

TL;DR​

A woman’s engagement ring, chosen with her late fiancé, is being asked back by the fiancé’s mother, who thinks it belongs to the family. The commenters say: NTA, keep the ring. The mother probably just wants a new “family heirloom” to keep her son’s memory alive—though she might end up selling it to a kid who can’t even buy a pizza. The ring stays on the right hand, and the woman stays in love with the memories. 🎉💍