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This is my job! I'm actually paid to do this, Conclusion

· 5 min read

Ever wonder what it feels like to be a cybersecurity consultant on a cross‑country road trip that turns into a full‑blown tabletop drama? Strap in, because the following story is a mash‑up of real‑world consulting, half‑drunk coffee, and an accidental encounter with a truck that looks like a Soviet‑era iPod. Spoiler: there’s a lot of drama, some questionable decision‑making, and an open‑share data leak that even Alpha would find hard to believe.

The Road to Kansas (and the “Attack Helicopter” in the VFW)​

Picture this: you’re cruising down a rural highway, your phone is buzzing with a video call you’re trying to keep invisible. Behind you, a decommissioned attack helicopter sits on a column outside a VFW. The other participant on the call spots it, but you’re lucky – or you’re just lucky. Your project manager rings everyone into a status update; you claim “On Schedule” for two projects that start next week. That’s 30 minutes burned, but you’ve got a few more hours before you hit the client site.

You hit the highway, dodge Kansas City traffic, and listen to local radio under the wide Kansas sky. Then the phone rings: Gogo – a friendlier version of “DidiandGogo” who’s been bought by your company to chase big accounts. Gogo wants you to write a proposal for a home‑automation manufacturer, but you’re already swamped with deliverables. The call ends, you throw a half‑filled coffee at your windshield, clean up, and email Zaynep (the web‑app pentester) to help with the proposal.

You’re back on the road. Rain starts, traffic slows, and you pull into a rest stop. There, a generic white tractor‑trailers catches your eye – same LLC name, but no SSID. You’re armed with a knockoff hackRF Portapak (the Soviet‑inspired iPod of radio hacking). You strap the long USB cable to your mouth so it doesn’t drag, start a spectrum analyzer, and then—you (the influencer) begin photographing the truck’s antennas while the driver is confused. “What the fuck are you doing to my truck?” the driver shouts. You calmly reply, “I’m an influencer.” The driver sighs, climbs into the truck, and you decide it’s best to leave.

You finally reach the conference center, check into a luxury hotel (the valet thinks your manual transmission is a status symbol), and meet the team after a nap, shower, and a cocktail reception. They’re about to run a tabletop exercise that simulates a data‑breach incident involving a fictional SaaS company called SimuKorp.

The Tabletop: A Game of Corporate Dungeons​

The cast:

  • Alpha – CEO, big‑mouth, wants to make Ed Hardy and Affliction cool again.
  • Bravo – CTO, wears Dockers, thinks documentation is a luxury.
  • Charlie – Legal counsel, actually a CTO of a real client, has seen the real world of incidents.
  • Delta – VC mid‑level, thinks the whole thing is childish.
  • Echo & Foxtrot – The “room meat” you can’t get a word in.

Scenario: A customer finds their SimuKorp account info on an open share. A misconfigured share and a support staffer put customer data there by accident. Marketing is supposed to handle outreach, but Alpha refuses to call anyone. The incident spirals into a full‑blown disaster.

During a break, Alpha tells you that you’re just a “management consultant” and that the scenarios are unrealistic. You counter that incidents aren’t just tech, and that sometimes you make a mistake or a cost/benefit decision that takes a risk. Alpha and Bravo argue that you don’t understand the defenses, but you point out that sometimes you do make mistakes. Charlie, who’s actually seen real incidents, says the scenario is not far fetched. The tension eases, and the day ends with a clay‑pigeon shootout where you beat Alpha’s fancy Benelli.

The Aftermath​

The next morning you head back east, the trip is uneventful, and the CopperBolt sale goes through. You don’t win any more work from TrukGrindr; they merge with a competitor. Didi and Gogo sell the home‑automation work. Zaynep tests the devices in a doll‑house called “Barbie’s Hacked House” (she didn’t find the humor, but you did).

So, what did you learn? That a half‑drunk coffee, a hackRF, and an open data share can make a consultant’s day, and that real‑world incidents can feel like a fantasy that turns into a lesson in humility.

Comments​

  • It looks like if the Soviet Union made an iPod in 1974.
    You have a way with words. I can easily picture this.
  • I picture the device looked something like the phones in the Grinch Walmart commercials that the Whoville's citizens have.
    Like this one.
  • Alpha: “It's clear you've not done this. If you had, you'd know why this is fantasy”
    Think of the stupidest way data has been leaked or stolen.
    Then realize that is exactly how it gets stolen.
    A SimuKorp IT operations person misconfigured the share and a support staffer put customer data there mistakenly.
    That Tea App. Their entire database was just... facing the public. Literally just security through obscurity.
  • ... so what became of the open CopperBolt networks? You've been writing all this big long story and just have Chekov's Gun prominently on the mantle, unfired.
    Was all this really just a “gotcha” for an egotistical executive at the training exercise?
  • Yeah this doesn't feel like a conclusion at all.

TL;DR​

A cyber consultant goes on a Kansas road trip, drinks half a coffee at his windshield, steals a truck’s antenna for a “silly influencer” photo op, and ends up running a tabletop exercise where a misconfigured share leads to a data leak. He learns that real incidents are messy, managers are skeptical, and that a doll‑house can be the ultimate test bed.

Stay tuned for the next adventure: “Consultant’s Guide to Avoiding Phone Calls and Getting Coffee on the Road”.