Guns & Beans – My Strangest Coworker Tale
Ever work in a place where the last thing you think about is how many cans of beans you can eat in a day, only to find yourself surrounded by rifles and an inexplicable gift? If you’re wondering what the hell a can of expired refried beans has to do with a gun‑shipping blunder, buckle up. This is one of those stories that makes you laugh, scratch your head, and then wonder if the universe is secretly trying to make you a salsa chef.
The Great Gun Mix‑Up
Our narrator worked at a sporting‑goods store that had a firearms department. The job was all about logistics, e‑commerce, and the occasional “Did you know the best way to ship a handgun is with a hand?” kind of trivia. The protagonist’s coworker, Jeff, had a haunted look that could have been the result of too many late nights watching The Twilight Zone.
“What did you know about Duncan?” Jeff asked.
The answer was a solid “Nope, just a quiet, chill guy.” But just yesterday, Duncan had accidentally slapped a handgun with the wrong shipping label. The gun was heading straight to a random person, which could have cost him his job and maybe a visit to the local courthouse. Enter Jeff, who knew the UPS driver personally and called him up like a secret agent. The driver flipped the shipment around, the gun stayed in the right hands, and all was well—until the morning when Duncan decided to thank Jeff in the most creative way possible.
Jeff the Hero
Jeff’s gratitude was so big that Duncan handed him a plastic shopping bag. Inside? A single can of expired refried beans. The kind you’d see on the shelf next to the “Do Not Eat” warning.
“What. The. HELL.”
It wasn’t a “thank you” in the usual sense of a gift card or a pizza. It was a can of beans that had outlived its shelf life, a relic of the old grocery store era. Duncan was not homeless, not mentally ill, and definitely not a bean connoisseur. So why beans? Why an expired can? Why a plastic bag? The mystery was as deep as a can of salsa left in a drawer for a decade.
Theories & Speculations
The comments that followed on Reddit were a goldmine of theories, confessions, and a few accidental life‑changing moments.
1. The “Tuna” Conspiracy
“When I was twenty‑three I became obsessed with an idea and had to go through with it. I went to the store and bought a can of tuna and some plain brown wrapping paper. I went to the public library and from a random phone book's white pages selected a random name with address. I wrapped the can, addressed it and mailed it. I’ll never know what happened, but at least the idea of doing it doesn’t obsess me anymore.”
Apparently, the universe was already playing with canned goods, and Duncan might have simply been following in those culinary footsteps—just with beans instead of tuna.
2. The Hero’s Heroism
“You’re my hero. Somewhere that person has their own Reddit thread wondering why the hell they were sent a can of tuna. Incredible.”
Maybe the act of saving a gun shipment earned Jeff a place in a canned‑good hall of fame. Or maybe we’re all just looking for the next big story about a can of something.
3. The “Did He Really Switch the Bags?” Angle
“I feel like Duncan was probably waiting for Jeff to ask him about the beans so he could say ‘damn, I must have switched the bags’. But because Jeff never asked, Duncan’s punchline has been hanging for 10 years. And he’s left wondering why Jeff just accepted an expired can of refried beans as a thank you like that’s a normal thing.”
This theory suggests that Duncan’s gift was a prank—a joke so subtle that Jeff never realized it. Maybe Jeff was a bean‑phobic person, or perhaps he just didn’t want to ruin the surprise. Either way, the can of beans became a mystery that could have been solved with a single question.
4. The Simple “Ask Him” Advice
“Did you ever consider just asking him?”
Sometimes the simplest solution is the best. If you’re ever handed a can of expired refried beans, you can thank the giver and ask why. The answer might be a story you’ll never forget.
5. The “Nice Gift” Misfire
“He had intended to give you a nice gift. However, and quite ironically, he erroneously gave you those damn beans.”
Sometimes even good intentions go awry. The beans were a nice gift in the eyes of the giver, but in reality, they were a culinary time‑warp.
TL;DR
A gun‑shipping mishap turns into a mysterious thank‑you gift: a single can of expired refried beans. Jeff saves the day, Duncan thanks him in the most creative way imaginable, and Reddit fans speculate about canned tuna conspiracies, prank gifts, and the universal desire to ask the right question. The moral? Always double‑check your labels—especially if you’re in a job that involves guns, beans, or both.