I need help
TL;DR: The boss is a walking, talking “I‑was‑drunk‑and‑now‑I‑am‑awesome” salesman.
Solution? 1) Document every burp. 2) Get a new job. 3) Tell the universe that burping is a legitimate form of office communication.
The “Master Manipulator” Who Thinks Burping Is a Management Skill
I work with a guy who could be the next big reality‑TV star if only the show’s producers would give him a title like “The Great Manipulator of Corporate Morale.” He’s got a management position—if you define “position” as a fancy title that comes with a desk, a chair, and a coffee machine that only works when you’re under the influence of “the divine spirit of laziness.”
This is his fifth time telling us he’s “quitting alcohol and weed.” Every time he messes up, he pulls out the classic “I was drunk or high, so it’s not my fault” card, like a magician pulling a rabbit from a hat. The only difference? The rabbit is always a tiny, invisible version of accountability that disappears the moment you ask for a raise.
He walks around the office like a proud, burping peacock. No “excuse me,” no “pardon,” just pure, unadulterated burps that could double as an alarm system for the building. The company’s response? “We’re focused on the money,” they say. Because, apparently, a burping boss is less of a liability than a broken coffee machine.
In short, he’s the corporate equivalent of a cancer to our team, and yet everyone is still falling for his phony ways. Because, let's face it, when the boss is a walking, talking “I was high” billboard, who can say no?
The Comments: A Comedy of Errors
Advice: get a new job.
“If you want a day of dignity, just hop on the corporate rollercoaster and leave the burping behind.”
Document everything. Do not ask or talk to him about his addictions. Record those statements.
“If you’re going to fight the burping, you might as well bring a tape recorder. And maybe a lawyer, because the lawyer’s the only one who can hear the burps through the walls.”
If he's claiming a disease as a reason, how is he treating his disease? Surely your workplace has put in expectations? I worked around addictions for many years, and I don't understand the lack of accountability.
“Treating a disease with a burp? That’s like treating a broken Wi‑Fi connection with a motivational speech. We’re all for the “get over it” attitude, but the boss seems to think “get over it” is a new corporate wellness program.”
Edit: okay I read through it again - business is more focused on financial gain atm. Yeah, get a new job. When shit does go down, it's only going to roll downhill anyway.
“The best strategy? Leave when the mountain starts sliding. Until then, keep your coffee strong and your burp detector ready.”
Final Thoughts
The moral of the story? If your manager’s coping mechanism involves a burp louder than a thunderclap and a “I was high” defense that’s more mythical than effective, consider it a red flag. Or, if you’re a master of the “burp and blame” technique, maybe you should start a podcast: “Burps, Bosses, and the Art of Avoiding Accountability.”
Either way, remember: when the boss turns a burp into a managerial tool, the only thing that can save the day is a new job—preferably somewhere the only thing you’re allowed to burp is in your own apartment.