Skip to main content

My coworker makes fun of me in Teams group chat, but when we’re alone she vents to me about everyone else’s misdeeds

· 3 min read

Ever had that one coworker who’s a master of the “public‑private persona” trick?
In the group chat, she’s the queen of banter—making jokes about you, the project, or the coffee machine.
In one‑to‑one, she turns into a venting, micromanager‑syndrome guru, blaming everyone else for every little mishap.
You’re left wondering: Should I just pretend I don’t exist, or tell her that her dual‑life is a little much?

The confession
“What should I do? I noticed in our teams group chat that I either get ignored or I get made fun of when I try to join along with banter.
When I am alone with one particular coworker she is always venting to me about how the other 4 barely do anything, they’re just noisy micromanagers.
BUT! Then when we’re in a group she is the main one clowning on me, not always about work related stuff, she will make fun of how I talk.
Should I just keep my distance and avoid them, or should I tell her in Teams, or in person, that I don’t appreciate how she treats me?"

The Commentaries (in the style of a Reddit‑inspired meme page)​

Comment #1 – The “Rule of Engagement”​

“She makes fun of you because she can. It’s not your coworkers’ responsibility to know your boundaries, it’s yours.”
“If you don’t respect your own boundaries, why would anyone else?”
TL;DR: Set your own limits. If she keeps poking, you get the first punch.

Comment #2 – The “Proof‑Positive”​

“Screenshot and document thoroughly … the ones who benefit the most from our lack of boundaries, are the ones who push back the hardest.”
“And grey‑rock her when you’re alone – if she’s complaining TO you, she’s complaining ABOUT you to someone else.”
TL;DR: Keep a digital diary. The best defense is a good offense—ghost her like a ninja.

Comment #3 – The “One‑Way Street”​

“You’re spot on.”
“Do not at all engage with this person for anything but job related discussions. I knew one. She almost got me fired.”
TL;DR: Treat her like a spam filter. Block non‑essential traffic.

Comment #4 – The “Social Engineering Analyst”​

“Avoid being this person’s pet at work. She’s using you to hold and distract people… It’s convenient to keep you under her wing and use you in both corners.”
“Just take steps to avoid the pattern from continuing—validate and engage less in the vent sessions so they can become less rewarding.”
TL;DR: Stop feeding the vent machine. The less you engage, the less she can thrive.

Comment #5 – The “Call‑Out Conductor”​

“Call her out next time she makes fun of you and say ‘I thought we were pals based on how you confide in me in person?’”
TL;DR: Own the conversation. Put the mic in her hands—then yank it out.

TL;DR​

  • She’s a social chameleon, a vent‑machine, and a micromanager’s best friend.
  • Either ghost her, set firm boundaries, or call her out—just don’t let her think she’s got a free pass.
  • Keep your digital diary, block non‑essential chatter, and remember: the best way to stop the jokes is to stop laughing along.