I am named after a cheese.

ETA: For everyone guessing, I don't want to dox myself, so I'll just say it rhymes with Morgonzola.

I have a coworker who’s only been with us for about six months, but she’s really leaning into this “respect me, I’m an ex‑Marine, and I have a title” attitude. She’s older and has been bullying the younger coworkers, acting like everyone should respect her and follow her “invisible authority.” She’s a cashier here, not in a big position, but still expects to be invited to everything, even when it’s a mass email to the whole company. She gets upset if we turn down her offers to “help” in departments that don’t need it. Lately, she’s been telling anyone who will listen that no one respects her because she’s older than most of us, but honestly, she’s brought it on herself by pushing people around and making demands.

The Dalai Lama will die soon because of old age. What do you think China will do when that happens? Why?

New hire walks in bright-eyed. Leaves wide-eyed. In between? A felony against caffeine.

TL;DR​

Brand new employee learns the coffee is “free for everyone.” Interprets this as: “I personally own all coffee now.”
Puts BOTH giant Starbucks bean bags into her purse. Returns next day. Gets fired before the first sip. Office morale: shaken but united.

The Scene​

It’s onboarding day. New Hire seems a little wired (ironically, pre-coffee). She spots two glorious, unopened bags of Starbucks beans in the break room.

“Whose are these?”
“They’re for everyone. Company buys coffee.”
“Cool.”

Narrator: It was not, in fact, cool.